<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Contemporary Polyamory and Tax Fraud 101 by foxy_mulder</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23923564">Contemporary Polyamory and Tax Fraud 101</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxy_mulder/pseuds/foxy_mulder'>foxy_mulder</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Community (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>But i wrote a lazytown zombie apocalypse au 3 yrs ago. So., Canon Typical Chaos, Canon typical levels of crack tbh, Canon-Typical Behavior, Crack, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, I wish i could say this was the silliest premise ive written, Idiots in Love, Inaccurate representation of american taxes, Jeff Winger Has Issues, Marriage Proposal, Multi, Polyamory, This is really silly but i like it so maybe you will like reading it, except not, idiots to lovers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:07:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,275</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23923564</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxy_mulder/pseuds/foxy_mulder</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Great. Well, personally, I am worried about going to jail for lying on these forms about being married. So I, and all of you, need to call-"</p><p>"Why don't you just marry the study group?" says Abed.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jeff Winger/study group, Study Group/Study Group, Troy Barnes/Shirley Bennett/Annie Edison/Pierce Hawthorne/Abed Nadir/Britta Perry/Jeff Winger</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>109</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Contemporary Polyamory and Tax Fraud 101</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This takes place in maybe season 2 or 3? Everyone is single and no one has left the show. Also this fic is very stupid silly and dumb I wrote it in like 30 min because I love jeff and I usually write so much angst xoxoxo</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So I may have a problem," Jeff says, plopping down in his seat.</p><p>"You let Chang file your taxes, didnt you?" Annie sounds defeated.</p><p>"How did you know?"</p><p>"Because I did the same thing. He was wearing tweed that day and, I dunno, he looked-"</p><p>"Kind of <i>sane,</i> right? Thank you, I can't believe I did that. Maybe he drugged us again. I mean, three dollars to file your taxes? In what world is that not sketchy?"</p><p>"He really did a number on mine, I felt so bad that I wrote up an apology email to the IRS." She looks close to tears. "I haven't sent it because I'm scared they'll be mad."</p><p>"Fuck the IRS, I say," says Britta. "The government doesn't need <i>my</i> money, they'll pour it into another war."</p><p>"And you'll pour it into weed and dildos," Shirley says into her hand.</p><p>"I see her come into Dildopolis like three times a week. That's more than Dildo Joe, and hes the <i>mascot."</i> Annie's face falls. "They switched his costume from red to blue to show their support for the Crips, but the Republicans thought it was about them and he got stabbed."</p><p>Terrible. Everyone loved Dildo Joe, he was a kindhearted man. Weirdly enough, though, his costume wasn't a dildo but a buttplug.</p><p>Jeff breaks the silence.</p><p>"One- Annie, you need to move. Two- why does Dildopolis have a mascot? Is what they sell not evident from the name? And three- the matter at hand- Chang filed my taxes as if I were in a polyamorous marriage, so now the government is going to be <i>on my ass </i>when they find out I haven't even gotten laid since September, much less married."</p><p>"I guess that means mine are wrong too," says Abed.<br/>
</p><p>"Even you fell for Changs scam?"</p><p>"Yeah. The Kickpuncher movies were marathoning on TV and me and Troy didn't want to waste time doing something trivial like taxes and miss it."</p><p>"Okay. Damage control."</p><p>"That was on too, but we have it on DVD."</p><p>"...I mean for our taxes, Abed. What did he mess up on yours?"</p><p>"No idea. Actually, I may still be a dependent. Full disclosure, I don't completely understand how taxes work, my dad pays for my schooling."</p><p>"Oh thank god, me neither," says Troy. "Except I do pay them. I normally just fill it out with the numbers from my FASFA."</p><p>"And where do you get<i> those </i>numbers?"</p><p>"The amount I have in the Sims, usually. I wish there was another way to check your spending online. Oh, and my receipts from JC Penny for my tax write offs. "</p><p>"Great, that's highly illegal. And JC Penny isnt a charity."</p><p>"Theyre bankrupt, Jeff! At this point, JC needs every penny she can get, you think Abed and I got that photoshoot done for fun? Because their photographers have <i>talent?</i> It's <i>definitely</i> charity."</p><p>Jeff sighs. "I dont know about you all, but personally, I am worried about going to jail for lying on these forms about being married. So I, and all of you, need to call-"</p><p>"Why don't you marry the study group?" Says Abed.
</p><p>"What the hell are you talking about?"</p><p>"Think about it. Marriage is generally the 'happily ever after' of a story. Not only would it fulfil your legal obligation, it would ensure we all stick around for further hijinks and don't get conveniently written off the show. No producer wants to separate a happily married couple-" He stops and contemplates. "-well, septuple. Not in our genre. It's usually fairly lighthearted."</p><p>"Abed, that is ridiculous. You realize you're being ridiculous, don't you?"</p><p>Troy frowns. Good, maybe he can talk sense into him. "Yeah, Abed, if we live happy ever after doesn't that mean the show is over? Will we cease to exist?"</p><p>Great. Typical.</p><p>"Maybe. Or maybe we just live happily for the rest of our lives. Guess we'll find out soon enough."</p><p>"So not the point!" Jeff throws up his hands. "You can't all marry me." Who is he, Joe Exotic? Sometimes it feels like it, with all the meth dealing at this school and now this accidental tax fraud and… a marriage plot. Fucking Greendale. "Even if it were a reasonable idea- which again, it absolutely is not- none of you even think of me that way."</p><p>The table is dead silent as they exchange looks.<br/>
</p><p>"...Okay, maybe Annie does," he concedes. She blushes. Britta makes an indignant noise. "Really? Britta too, then. Anyone else, since apparently we're opening up the floor?," he bites out.</p><p>Shirley raises her hand slowly, eyes fixed on her purse.</p><p>He blinks.<i>"Shirley?"</i></p><p>"I have eyes," she snaps. "From certain angles you look like Ryan Seacrest."</p><p>He swivels to scan the rest of the table. Troy twiddles his thumbs and Abed waggles his eyebrows in a disturbingly effective smolder, and oh god, <i>since when does everyone in this group have a crush on him? </i>And were they never going to say anything about it? Because it would have been fantastic for his ego to know this!</p><p>Slowly, he turns his head to look at Pierce, who hasn't said a word.</p><p>"Pierce, for the love of god tell me you don't-"</p><p>"For the last time, Jeff, I support your gay lifestyle but I'm not gay for you!"</p><p>Jeff breathes a sigh of relief.</p><p>"...But if everyone else is marrying you so am I. No way am I letting you guys leave me out of another group activity."</p><p>Everyone groans. Jeff puts his head on the table in defeat. When did his life get so out of control?</p><p>-- -- -- --</p><p>"So. I'm thinking blue with pink accents for the color scheme," chirps Annie as she and Britta slide into the seat beside him for lunch. "But Britta likes blue with yellow and she's more of a natural at this kind of thing, so she's definitely in charge of deciding flowers and the venue."</p><p>"For the last time, we are not getting married."</p><p>"Jeff, you're being a spoilsport."</p><p>"I'm being rational."</p><p>"Pink or yellow," she says more than asks, shoving color swaths across the table aggressively. "Hypothetically."</p><p>Hypothetically, his ass. Knowing Annie, she's been planning her dream wedding since she was in diapers, there's no way she's letting this go without a fight.</p><p>He sighs. "Yellow. The pink is a little gay."</p><p>"You're marrying three men!"</p><p>"I'm not marrying anyone. And ask them, they'll say the same thing."</p><p>Like clockwork, Abed and Troy take their places at the table. Abed picks the lettuce out of his sandwich and places it onto Troy's plate, and Troy passes over his dinosaur nuggets to Abed. They're adorable, he thinks half sarcastically as he hands them gumballs he saved for them. Because the grape ones are their favorite.</p><p>"Thanks<i> fiance</i>," grins Troy.</p><p>"Don't call me that."</p><p>"What would work better for you? darling? How about honey?" Abed takes out a notepad. "Sweet baboo? Spidermonkey? How do you feel about-"</p><p>"Jeff is fine," he says dryly. "And you must have forgotten he part where we are not getting married."</p><p>"Why not? You love all of us."</p><p>Maybe he does. Okay, he definitely does, but that doesn't mean they can just get married. They can't, because...they can't.</p><p>Shirley and Pierce slam down their trays, arguing.</p><p>"Eartha Kitt would never!"</p><p>"She would, and she did. In an airplane."</p><p>"I cant believe you're talking about deviant sexual activity in front of your-"</p><p>Jeff holds up a hand. "If you say fiance, Shirley, I will leave this table and start a new life in the Himalayas."</p><p>"-Good… marital...friend." she stutters. "Oh, come on. Your<i> fiance, </i>Pierce!"</p><p>"Shirley! How are you going along with this too? Isn't it… un-Christian or something?!"</p><p>"No, marrying a few people is fine. Remember how many wives Solomon had," she says.</p><p>He doesn't remember but hes sure she'll tell them anyway. Does this marriage mean he has to go to her church now? Or Annie' synagogue or Abed's mosque or Troy's lack of birthday parties? He knows one thing, he is not going to Pierces stupid cult bullshit, and why is he even thinking about this, <i>it isnt going to happen. </i></p><p>"He had 700," she says sweetly. 

</p><p>"Troy, Abed, which color scheme looks better?" Annie displays the swatches again.</p><p>"Pink and blue."</p><p>"Yeah, the yellow looks gay."</p><p>"For sure."</p><p>Jeff finishes his lunch silently, glaring.</p><p>-- -- -- --</p><p>"You want to be known as the study group that got married and started a group of sister wives?" he hisses for what feels like the tenth time today. "who would want that?"</p><p>Suddenly, the Dean enters the study room in a bridal gown, singing "Dean, dean, dean dean," to the tune of 'Here Comes the Bride.'</p><p>"If it isn't the happy couple!" He pauses, scratching his chin. "Septuple? I heard about your engagement and I came to congratulate you! And put my name in the pool-"</p><p>"No. We aren't getting married."</p><p>"I get it. Seven people is more than enough. But I will be waiting for an invite to the wedding, I could always give you away, or be a best man, maybe a bridesmaid, strip at your bachelor party, whatever you have available."</p><p>"We aren't. Getting. Married. At all," he grits out.</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Why? <i>Why? </i> Because it would destroy my reputation even further? Because I'm here to get a degree and go back to my life, and I can't be married to six lunatics and still be taken seriously when we are known as the study group that got married to avoid IRS auditing."</p><p>"Wrong, we are also marrying for love," says Abed. "Not the weirdest thing we've been known for either. We started a mafia here, a small war, made a butthole flag. And remember last week with the toaster-"</p><p>"Yes, I remember, let's never discuss it again," says Annie.</p><p>"We are not discussing this any further. I'm going home."</p><p>Jeff storms out in frustration. Naturally, Britta follows him into the hall.</p><p>"You know what, Jeff? I think you're just scared."</p><p>"Of what, the lack of a prenup for my nonexistant wedding?"</p><p>"Of the bigness of your own heart. You act like an asshole all day, but at the end of the day you love every last person in there and that terrifies you."</p><p>"As if-"</p><p>"Listen to me. You're not scared for your reputation, because you and I both know youve sacrificed that for the six of us over and over. Newsflash, Jeff, you arent the same guy you used to be, and you dont have to pretend you're that guy, because we know you. I'm sorry we pushed you to get married."</p><p>She takes his chin in hand in that dumb pitying way she has for her cats and for emotionally vulnerable men, which is really annoying because hes not sure which one she sees him as right now.</p><p>"You dont have to choose right now, I know you have an Oedipus complex from your dad-"</p><p>"Please learn the meaning of words before you use them, you literally own the psych textbook."</p><p>"You're doing it right now. Deflecting your feelings." She sniffs. "Whatever. See you later, Jeff."</p><p>He stands in the hallway for a long time thinking. He hates to think Britta could be right but she is kind of right. And he thinks of how nice it would be to let himself be that person shes talking about, the one who gets to spend every day with the people he loves. And then he goes running for the study room.</p><p>"Britta did some makeshift psychology on me and I think it worked," he announces. Hes must in time, it looks like they were all just packin and up to go.<br/>
</p><p>"Britta's psychology <i>worked?</i> Just say you banged in the hallway, you don't have to make up such an obvious lie."</p><p>"It's true." He stands, clearing his throat. "I haven't been fair to you all. I didn't want to get married because I was scared of what that said about me. I always thought I would go back to being a scumbag when I finished here, with a hot blonde on my arm and a shit ton of money. But I'm not that guy anymore, and I haven't been for a long time. Because I found something way better than that. A family."</p><p>He smiles. "I don't want a busty blonde, I want you guys."</p><p>"I'm busty enough," Britta mutters.</p><p>"You're the best fiances I could hope for, and I would marry you whether the IRS cared or not. And if you all still want to get married, I will do my best to be the best fiancee I can."</p><p>"Awww," Shirley and Annie chorus.</p><p>"Is this you proposing? Could you get on one knee, I'm trying to get good footage for the montage."</p><p>"There's no camera, Abed," he says, feeling lightheaded. But in a good way. The future is flashing before his eyes.</p><p>Oh, shit, Shirley's kids are going to be his kids now. And Brittas cats too. He's weirdly okay with that.</p><p>They're going to have to discuss this more, but looking around at everyone as he takes a knee-<i> he's going to have to buy 7 rings, maybe 5 if he can talk Troy and Abed into ringpops or something.</i>- he knows this is gonna work out as chaotically and unpredictably and <i>just as fucking fun</i> as everything else they do. And he can't wait.</p><p>"...And the study group all lived happily ever after in domestic bliss," says Abed, staring into a point on the wall.</p><p>"Abed, there is seriously no camera. How many times do we have to go over this?"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I was rewatching and my sister said the study group "argues like an old married couple" and I was like Huh you are so right</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>